when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
