Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
