thus making me awesome and them whores
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
