just come out here and I will go home with you...
Michael Bay diarrhea
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I want to be your penis for a week.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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