Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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