Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
