I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
