Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
