So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
