you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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