Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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