I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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