Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
