Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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