just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
