No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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