i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
