the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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