I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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