She announced her abortion via fbk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
