first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
