I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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