I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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