yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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