Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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