i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
