if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
