glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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