Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
