Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
