i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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