32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
