are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
