You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
