You can't special order awesome
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
