can we get nightvision for the apartment?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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