i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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