I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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