when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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