he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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