Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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