Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
