So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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