In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
