i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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