Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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