HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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