Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
farters have to be the big spoon...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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