Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
