I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
