I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
