how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
