i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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