oh god the rape fog is back!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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