im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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