did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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