no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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