I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
