Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone shit on the floor
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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