He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
