are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
