why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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