We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.