I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
