The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
