Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
