Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
