A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
barbara walters just said penis...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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