Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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