just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
