im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
