i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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