They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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