I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
