My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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