There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
