Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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