Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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