How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
