Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize