i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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