He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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