all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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