I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
